back to high school... sort of

i substitute taught math today at the high school. in reality, there was little teaching to be done since i only had to collect homework and administer a quiz. i came home tired (from waking up at 5:30 a.m.) and restless (from sitting in a desk all day). the sleepiness has outweighed the restlessness until now, since i haven't exercised like i had wanted to.
i've been very moderate on my food. no more than i need, but enough to satisfy me. i've also cut out food two hours before bedtime, as per this article. at some point in college, i started the habit of eating and then taking a nap. i would also do this at night and i had been continuing to do it at home. i found out how bad it could be and how i'm just adding calories for my body to burn off when really, i'm probably not that hungry. i'm learning to do that "rate your hunger from 1 to 10" thing but what deters me is that each time i get to that point of asking myself, i really feel like i'm approaching a 1, i.e. absolutely ravenous and insatiable. anway... if i give myself a cut-off time, i'll be more likely to monitor my hunger better and just get used to the feeling, instead of feeling like i need to fill my tummy.

CW: 183

"gross" underestimation

very punny, ha ha.
what i underestimated was the effect of my binge from the past few weeks. what i actually weigh (dear god) is 185 -- again, more than i've ever weighed before.
i went to a chinese buffet tonight and portioned really well. i started off with some salad (minimal dressing), some fruit (grapes, canteloupe, and oranges) and a small bowl of egg drop soup. i cleaned my plate afterward but only got a small serving of chicken & broccoli and rice. i had some ice cream at the end but had a small amount of that as well. i'm really trying... and what was good at the buffet was that i didn't feel like i was depriving myself. i don't usually eat a ginormous amount at the buffet but i have found that i only need one of something that's potentially bad for me, not four of something.

CW: 185

backtracking

so i've slid a little down the slippery slope. i've been seduced by wonderful meals at my favorite restaurants and the lethargy that comes with the darker days of winter. it shouldn't be a surprise but i've gained a couple more pounds.
i feel that whenever i've tried to lose weight and exercise in the past, whenever i focus on it for even a week, i gain weight. similar things happen when i don't monitor it at all too, so i'm not sure what my course of action should be.
i know what to do, it's doing it that's the hard part.
at this point, i kind of just want to lose 10 pounds and see if it's do-able. that's only about 6% of my body weight, so it should be manageable. i'm going to walk/jog on the treadmill for 30 minutes each day, just to get into the habit of being active. it'll be easier when spring come too because i love riding my bike and there's this great trail that's about a 20-minute drive away. i just strap my new ipod on and i'm good to go.
i'm so excited for spring and i feel that this is the ideal time for me to tone up, so that i can continue losing later. i keep envisioning myself running around in a tank top and shorts... with a thinner body. i want so badly to make that possible.

CW: 182