end-of-the-year update

haven't blogged for awhile, haven't been to the gym in awhile -- it's so bad. i'm going back as soon as my broken toe heals. i hurt it a couple days ago and it's purple... and hurts when i walk. i'm in a major funk and it sucks.
i'm changing the b.c. that i take, since i think that it really affects my mood in a negative way. when i started taking b.c. in high school for acne, i remember starting to feel depressed, on edge, and like i could cry at any second. every day wasn't like that, but more days were like that than there should have been. i'm like that even more now and i hate it.
the holidays stress me out though, too. even though they're pretty much over, i still have this feeling of dread, possibly because i think of all the things that should have been accomplished this past year, regardless of if i had control over them or not... my mom thinks i need medication and she agreed to pay for it, since i don't have any insurance right now. i just want to stop feeling crappy. i hate feeling this way and trying to make excuses for it, especially when i'm out with friends and stuff. i try to stay in the moment and have fun, but if i slide into that zone while i'm out, i'm sure that i'm not that fun to hang out with. i just want to know how to fix it.
i'm trying to focus on my near future, which will be more positive: interviewing for a job, possibly getting a long-term job for the rest of this school year, potentially going back to school for winter quarter to get my reading endorsement, moving out to an apartment eventually.
i just feel so stuck sometimes....

breaking through barriers

i was sick yesterday with a pretty horrendous migraine... i didn't eat too much but i drank a lot of water. i weighed myself this morning though and the scale read 189.6. yay! finally losing some weight! i can tell, based on the general look of my stomach and my upper back/shoulders area. i'm more muscular, which is awesome, and i think that if i add in some cardio, i should really start seeing results. :)
jenny, mickey, and i don't even have our vegas trip really planned yet, but i'm so excited to buy new clothes and stuff. bathing suit shopping should be much more bearable. my outlook is just so much better on these things now. i found a quote while looking online that represents my change in attitude: "you must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be." - david viscott -

CW: 189.6