i resigned from my job shortly after the last post. it was time. i could feel it. i still don't think i'm exactly up to par... and there are so many things left to work on within myself... but being at that school wasn't healthy for me. like i had written in the last post, i was thinking bad thoughts... and at least i was cognizant enough to know that feeling like that wasn't healthy, and that i could indeed do something about it.
i still don't know what direction my life is going. i suppose that by now, i should have everything figured out but i just don't feel ready for a lot of the things that i'd like to try / eventually like to do. my friends are feeling the strain and are feeling similar to how i'm feeling... maybe that's why we're friends. :) we talk about things like marriage and kids... (and having a steady, full-time job for frak's sake...) and i just know that i would not be able to do what many people my age have done. i'm just not ready. and it makes me feeling like i'm stunted somehow... an abnormality -- why am i not able to function like everybody? there is no way i could be a part of a household. i'm not even a very helpful contributor to my current household, and i'm still with my parents! (this is, in a way, a catch 22... but it might have to wait for another entry....)
i hate turning this entry into another "mentally losing it" post instead of a "physically losing weight" post... but i think most of my weight comes from stress and my previous inability to deal with it properly.
is it arrogant to think that if i'm unhappy with my employment, that i deserve better and fon't need to deal with whatever is causing me to be distraught? still struggling with this...
CW: 176.0
