it's not about deprivation

i weighed myself this morning and i weigh a little less again. i've been snacking on oranges and made homemade lattes to save money and calories. i went out with friends on wednesday and ordered some chicken fettuccine alfredo but only ate half of what they gave me. i also ordered a drink and stopped at one. it was a treat but i didn't go overboard.
this week i've been cleaning and sorting as well, which makes me feel less stressed, in general. i have the time to do something about the clutter, and it makes me feel more in control. now that i have a mantra/goal repeating very clearly in my head ("move out. move out. move out.") it puts some focus into what i need to accomplish.
i've also been finishing some yarn projects and have updated my other blog as well as the photos on the ravelry site. it goes along with the de-cluttering and lets me have little breaks from cleaning.

CW: 185.6

down some more

i haven't been really hungry for or craving certain things while i've been sick, so i've been making more mindful decisions about my food. ate some whole grain waffles with a bit of peanut butter for lunch with a slice of cheese for some extra protein. ate an orange last night instead of pigging out on some sort of junk food. i feel that choices like these really do matter on a daily basis for me, so i need to be mindful of these things.
i haven't been exercising much, since i wouldn't have been able to breathe very well with the cold. i will get back into it in a day or two.

CW: 186.0

feeling like poo...

illness has finally overtaken me. as the title of this entry expresses... i feel like poo. at least i'm on spring break from school right now. this is the first time i can say i'm on spring break from a teaching assignment... which is kind of awesome.
i celebrated steve's birthday yesterday and he loved all of his gifts. i made little sushi brownies for him, since he likes sweets but doesn't really make them or eat them a lot. i don't have the photos right now but i found my inspiration here. so cute. :)
i've gained a pound back but with all the stresses in my life that i'm not going to get into on this blog, i think i'm doing ok. i'll just sum it up and say this: i really need to move out of my house. i wish i were more like the ants in the 'ant & grasshopper' fable. i could really use enough money to have a down payment right about now.

CW: 187.4

still on the decline

i'm still so glad that the weight is coming off. i can tell a difference in my body already. maybe i can start shopping for vegas swimsuits soon. :)
i didn't get to go to the gym yesterday, due to the inclement weather. there's a good chance that i won't be able to go today, as well, since there's a level three snow emergency in the area. i'm not hard-core/die-hard enough to want to get arrested trying to go to the gym... :) i have fitness equipment in the basement and i have some awesome new stuff on my ipod that i'm excited about, so i can definitely make do for today.

CW: 186.4

thankful

i'm thankful for the fact that i realized that i can lose weight.
i heard something from a woman who had lost a good deal of weight that rang true for me. she said that she was tired of hearing that she was such a pretty girl but she just needed to lose some weight. i'm tired of the same thing. hearing those conditional compliments of that sort will stop soon, as i lose some weight and i'm so happy about that. :)
i can do this. i am doing this. i will accomplish this.

exciting!

i've lost enough weight in the past two weeks for me to say to myself, "are you sure your scale's not broken?" apparently, i've been doing enough work and eating well enough to see a change in my metabolism. so excited! i got to update my traineo account and i've lost a pound and a half in two weeks, which is awesome. :)
jenny is going to join me for zumba today at urban active and i'm very excited about that as well!

CW: 187.4

astounding!

i weighed myself this morning because i have to be real with myself and own up to the fact that i didn't do a great job last week. preparing myself for the worst, i stepped on the scale. i was utterly astounded when the scale read 188.2 lbs. this is less than i weighed last week and i feel so good about it. true, i did not do as well as i could have last week, but i did go to the gym twice and i got subway a couple times last week instead of getting some more caloric. i figure that for me, going to the gym or being active twice a week would be maintenance, especially when combined with my eating habits of last week.
i'm so glad that i didn't gain. so, so, so glad! i was worried that i would reneg on my vow to never go over 190 again. this is not an excuse to eat whatever i want (duh). this is proof that i can manage what i eat when i feel like i want to splurge a little -- eating light and healthy later if i go a little overboard for lunch. i'm eating more fruits and stuff too. i think i'm doing pretty well.

CW: 188.2

comparisons

so, just for posterity... and so that i can be COMPLETELY honest with myself about where i've been and where i need to be... i present to you some photos of me.
the photo that made me join the gym last october:and one of my favorite photos from high school:

now i know it's not realistic to look exactly like i did in the second photo. there's about a fifty-pound difference between the two, for goodness sakes. i DO have this juxtaposition posted on the wall in my bedroom as a reminder that i really need to go to the gym, not eat fifty-million cupcakes, etc... :)
speaking of snacking, i found these amazing oranges at meijer called cara cara navel oranges. they're sunkist, they're awesome, and i'm craving them more than ice cream now. yay!
i'm not posting a "CW" today... partly because i'm scared that i didn't eat as healthy as i could have and didn't exercise as much as i should have. so i'm waiting a day or two. i did post my partially-naked fat picture though, so you have to give me some credit for that!