springtime

from one of my fb statuses this past week: "maybe it's just the renewing spirit of spring, but just the thought of possibly moving is causing me to be more ruthless about what i own."

in the spirit of the renewing energy of spring, i'm deciding to start today on a new eating plan. even without tracking when i stop to get fast food or eat out at restaurants, i know it's too much. i need to save that kind of stuff for special occasions, and stopping at mickey d's because i'm too lazy to fix myself breakfast is definitely NOT a special occasion!

i'm just getting back into zumba after being sick. i didn't go as much as i would have liked the past two weeks because it was the end of the trimester at school, and well, life just kind of got in the way. i'm ready to expend some effort to make some time to go again, because i know i need it and i know how good i feel after i work out.

haven't weighed myself in a little while because i've become kind of disenchanted with the scale. the only time i've seen progress recently was just after i had been sick, and the decrease was most likely due to losing muscle mass while i was sitting on my butt trying to recover. *sigh* i don't get it. so i'll try some new tactics... some tactics that i've been aware of but haven't really stuck with yet.

flu

i feel like i lost this past week due to the flu. i took monday off school because by the time i took a shower and took some multi-symptom cold pills, i wasn't feeling any better. i returned to school on tuesday even though the doctor told me to take another day... i'm still coughing -- a rolling, gross cough that comes from my chest. i hate it and hope it goes away soon, or i'll be contacting the doctor again.

i'm going back to zumba today. scary! after a week off, it's going to be tough to get back into the routine. i just hope i don't have a coughing fit in the middle of the floor. :)

i didn't lose any weight during the time i was sick, but i am losing weight now. i thought ate quite a bit yesterday because i felt insatiable, but i didn't snack late at night, and i drank tea to help my throat instead of other empty calories. hopefully this trend continues.

CW: 191.0

déjà vu

i keep losing the same pound over and over. it's déjà vu in the worst way.

i think i'm going to have to work out more if i want to see results.

n/c

it's been about a month since i've signed up at 'dare to dance' and i've been having a great time, especially at zumba. with the exception of last week, i've attended three zumba classes per week. i've also tried the hip-hop class (attending the workshop in feb. with the girls. fun!) and yoga-lates.

after nearly a month though, i have not lost any weight. it's incredibly frustrating. i can see that my body is changing for the better when i look in the mirror, but it's just not happening fast enough / at a reasonable rate. each time i look in the mirror, especially at the dance studio, it's once again painfully obvious how big i am. i just hate it. but you know what? the scale can 'eat it' for not changing. i'm doing something that's good for me as well as my body, and i'm not stopping, even when there is no change.

what i can modify: (1) not drinking so many empty calories. this doesn't just mean strongbows at the bar, but hot chocolate, tea with honey, and coffee, due to the fact that "i like my sugar with coffee and cream." tea with a tiny bit of honey may be the best option to drink when in need of a warm-drink fix. (2) not indulging quite so much when i'm ravenous. this will entail finding foods that are satisfying, along with not grabbing what's easy to prepare and remembering when i purchase fruits and veggies.

i needed to refresh my wardrobe for spring / just because, so i did just that at ny&c today. i had a coupon in the entertainment book that my mom bought me for $60 off a purchase of $125. i didn't expect to find so much stuff on sale / stuff that fit that i liked, and due to the coupon, i made out like a bandit! three cardigans, seven shirts, a skirt, a pair of khakis, some ballet flats, a bracelet, and some earrings for $211 (reg. price: $411. saved as much as i spent -- w00t!). i'll have to take a picture of my favorite shirt i got today -- a cute, asymetrical black tank with a silver detail on one shoulder. everything i bought is professional/grownup-looking too... something i'm concerned with now that i'm teaching is differentiating myself from my students, because some of the stuff i would wear, they also wear.

anyway, that's enough randomness for one night. thanks for listening and tune in again soon -- hopefully i'll  have some progress to report!

i'm melting!

okay, so the title may be a bit extremist-sounding, but hear me out: when i lose weight, i lose it from the top down, hence the feeling that i feel as if i'm melting... or rather that the weight is melting off of me. it's a little odd, i'll admit it, but it's a perfect description of what's happening though, since i can see some definition in my shoulders again. i'm a bit sore still from working out, but it's still awesome to see positive changes.

it's frustrating that i went through the muscle-building stage this past week, wherein i gained a little weight while my body was figuring out what the frak was happening again... i also went through a day or two when wanted to eat absolutely everything in the house and my hunger could not be satisfied. but i think that phase is ending... at least i hope that phase is ending. i can't handle that kind of hunger again right now! i'm down a few pounds now and am looking better. zumba is going well and i'm hopefully back on the road to being healthy!

today, i spent a bunch of money at kroger, but i got some lean cuisines (butternut squash ravioli is surprisingly delicious! lots of veggies too!), some 'boar's head' ovengold turkey for sandwiches (my fave), and some lowfat yogurt (they have my raspberry wallaby -- yum!). i purchased some stuff for quick breakfasts too, which will prevent me from the one or two times a week that i pick up my breakfast at a drive-thru. i'm definitely going to this kroger from now on --it's open, updated and they have everything organized and grouped logically, unlike the mason-montgomery kroger.

CW: 194.0

moment of truth

i took some photos of myself tonight. it was just your standard set-the-timer-and-see-what-develops (ha! punny!) kind of shoot, and i posed so that there were several perspectives of my body in the shots. these weren't the edited-for-facebook photos, wherein photos are sometimes 'prettified' through picnik or where the best shots are the only ones used online. these were the in-your-face, hard-reality-of-the-situation kind of photos. (sorry... i'm really feeling the hyphens tonight....)

it made me realize one thing: damn, i let myself go. also, when are the layers of clothing are peeled, i really feel like i look 195 lbs. i look okay from... well, let's say the chest and up... things below the waist have kind of ballooned and expanded though, and it's not pretty.

whatever life events were that got me to this place are irrelevant now. as i've said in previous posts, something just needs to be done. i'm not going to post these photos here, because i am truly embarrassed about them... but maybe when i lose the weight, i'll post them as a dramatic before-and-after... :)

i went to zumba twice this week at dare to dance and i have plans to try out the hip-hop class tomorrow at noon. i'm so happy to be dancing again. it's my little release and i feel so good after sweating my butt off. i feel like i can take a deep breath and not have my chest hurt... which is something that happens more often than i'd like, whether it's due to stress or just being heavy. looking at myself in the full-length mirror wasn't pretty this week, but it needed to happen. unfortunately, i proved that wearing all-black is not always as slimming as people would like to think!

progress is being made already though. i feel a bit more awake in general. i want to eat healthy things because i don't want to undo all the good things i'm doing by going to zumba and everything. my shoulder/neck muscles are working hard already and anything that's toning up already is great!

happy new year!

2010 came and went so fast. i'm not sure if technology is responsible for the rapidity of time passing or what. all i know is that once you start getting older, time feels like it's slipping through the hourglass that much faster. whoa! sorry, reader.... i missed the "[begin melodramatic diatribe]" tag when i started composing this too! i'll end it here then, since the quick passage of time is really the only thing i'm wistful about. [/end melocramatic diatribe]

i broke out of my shell quite a bit in 2010.i think i did a really good job finding and pursuing what makes me happy:

• i auditioned for some shows and played some sweet parts. for not having any formal training for acting or singing, i feel incredibly lucky to have been a part of something that involved such talented people.
• i completed two long-term sub assignments for the middle school. even though i was about to give up on finding anything fruitful in the area this school-year, i apparently did an awesome job and was chosen for a nearly-year-long assignment. 
• i discovered live-band karaoke through a friend from high school. tuesday nights are the highlight of my week because i get to live out my rockstar dreams... :) seriously, if you have facebook, check this out (i'm at the end, wailing to "sweet child of mine"): http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=490953374094

i'm still learning to accept compliments for a job well-done (whether it's through subbing, through theatre, or through live-band karaoke). it's not that i feel undeserving of the compliments (well, maybe it's a little bit of that...), it's that i'm just so thankful and appreciative when a person takes the time to applaud me like that. it's not something i'll ever take for granted.

2011 will be a continuation of themes from 2010. i have some resolutions, i suppose. i dislike calling them resolutions, but that's really what they are.

1. lose weight. i know. #1 resolution on everyone's list. it's been my #1 resolution more than a few times as well. might as well just keep it on there... i joined a place in blue ash called "dare to dance" and i'd like to start my first class on monday, if possible. i'm in it for the zumba... and the belly dancing, and the hip hop classes... heck, i'll go to any of the fitness classes i'm able to attend. i'm so excited to be dancing again.
2. learn how to play my guitar. i've had it forever. i've had a gift certificate for lessons at moeller music for over a year. i just need to start learning. i get so frustrated when i hear a song i want to learn, or see other people play because i know that i should have learned how to play fifteen years ago when i was first interested.
3. pay down credit cards. it's totally doable and under control now that i have a position through june of 2011. 
4. bundled with #3 is for me to quit buying so much stuff. i have an uncanny ability to go to any store and drop $100 like it's nothing. it needs to stop.

aside from the negative-sounding resolutions, i have a good feeling about this year. we'll just see what it brings!