Doing All I Can Do

I had an interview this morning with a hotel near Union Square. I really liked the ambiance, the staff, the location, etc., and they seemed to like me too, so maybe I'll hear back from them soon. The girl I interviewed with today said she'd like me to meet with the GM either tomorrow or when I return from my sister's wedding (!) Monday afternoon. Although the shifts are variable, it's a guaranteed forty hours a week. I've got some other things in the pipeline too, so I'm just hoping something will come through. 

If this happens to not come to fruition, I just have to face the fact that this wasn't meant to be. I have been trying much harder recently, and at least I know that I've done all I could if I have to throw in the towel now. It's not what I want though. Starting back in Cincy would be like starting back at Square One. 

I've been so down-and-out recently. I hate that I've become an even greater liability to those close to me. I know what I need to do, but sometimes, I'll just be sitting there and I won't know what to do with myself. I become frozen/numb at a certain point due to stress. I also succumb to what I call "the ostrich effect," where I hide my head in the sand and pretend issues aren't there... it's never intentional, but by the time I realize I'm doing it, some degree of damage has already been done. I have trouble opening up to people... and I know it's funny for me to state that on my pretty-much-public blog, but it's true. I'm okay till someone asks me if I'm okay... and then I crumble. And it's kind of silly but... I miss Alfie so much it hurts. It's like being without my kid... and I know he's having fun playing with/terrorizing Skye at my parents' house, but for selfish reasons, the past couple months would have been a good time to have a cuddle bug beside me.... 

Needless to say, even though I recently recommitted to get healthy, the weight stuff is going to have to wait. I have other things to worry about... like not moving all my crap back across the country. I'm going to keep doing everything I feasibly can to stay out here.