Treading Water

Being stressed out is keeping me from exercising. I hate blaming it on something... and I'm really just indirectly still blaming myself for letting it get to me enough to cause the inactivity.... Whatever the cause, it's inexcusable and I keep failing myself.

I still feel like I'm treading water in almost every aspect of my life. And don't even get me started on relationships.... Although just having been at my younger sister's wedding (see photo), I will admit that stuff like that is floating around my mind, but I don't want to think about getting into one right now for fear of pulling that person under with me. I need to get my life together first.

Tomorrow is going to be a pinnacle of sorts. I'm going to talk to the customer support manager to see if it would be possible to get a full-time job at the company. I'm kind of afraid of hearing "No," but I'm not sure if staying in SF is feasible even if they say "Yes." Everyone I've interacted with at the company has been impressed with me and I know I could do a good job with a customer support position. 

I'm ready for something stable, not so transient -- so tired of living in ambiguity, not knowing what's next. I'm still not sure what situation would be better though: Stay in a wonderful city and build a new life here, or go back to Cincy, and regroup once I've dug myself out of this financial hole I'm in. Inevitably, I would be living a bit spartan for a bit out here, but I don't think it would be impossible. Even with all the awesome people I've met out here, I'm not sure if SF is where I eventually want to be. (See, it's funny: I talk about not wanting to be so transient, but I actually love traveling. I don't think I've seen enough places to know where I want to be yet... if that makes sense.)

Exercise-wise, I'm going to do some Zumba tonight. Gotta start somewhere. Maybe it'll help me clear my head. I'll let you know how it goes. :)